Tweaking traditions
Today is Karadaiyan Nombu. The Tamil equivalent of the more popular Karva Chauth. A day when I pray for the health and longevity of my spouse. A day when devout women rose early, washed their hair, made fresh food and ‘fasted’ till the time was ready for them to offer the goodies to God and tie nombu charadu (thread smeared with turmeric and has a flower tied in it like a pendant) before they could eat.
Typically the charadu was tied at the birth of a the new month. When the Tamil month Maasi gave way to the new month Panguni. Sometimes it does happen that the new month sneaks in at night. In such cases, there is a choice of tying it the night before or the morning after.
It so happens that this year Panguni does come in between today and tomorrow. Given a choice of course, I opted for the more practical solution of heading over to my bro’s place tonight where my mom would slave over the details and have perfectly made ‘adais‘ even before I get there.
Which gets me thinking of course. If I could tweak timings and celebrations to suit my convenience does it take away from the meaning of the tradition? Keeping in mind most of these traditions date back centuries and the rituals associated are more in line with the social mores of that time, it is inevitable that they will undergo changes with changing social values.
In this particular festival, we tie the charadu around the neck to mark the essence of being a married woman. The thaali. While we no longer wear the manja charadu that is tied at the time of the wedding and swap it for the gold thirumangalyam, the manja charadu is at best around the neck for a few days before it moves to the wrist or worse falls off even without the realization it is gone.
I appreciate that I have a day to dedicate to my spouse. To think of the reasons why I am married to him. To pray for his health and longevity. To thank the powers for the life I lead. In some sense I feel sad men do not have an associated ritual, for I am sure K will be more than happy to observe a fast for me or pray for my well being.
I guess my question is: Should I worry about the way I tweak traditions to suit my convenience?
Well, when there are many who even considering wearing the mangalsutra as just a fashion statement, I really wonder if such traditions are even required! Maybe it is to realise and thank God for giving us the life we have with our spouse?
Anyways, no such nombus for me as such…just have those where we pray for our children, brothers and the renowned Varalakshmi vratham…don’t think there is an equivalent of karva chauth/karadai nombu?!? Though I love eating those karadais
In effect, I suppose it does not matter if you are tweaking traditions to suit you…as long as you follow them?
I don’t think there is anything wrong with tweaking traditions to make it more relevant to changing times and circumstances. In some ways by doing so, we help our traditions evolve. If devotion comes at the cost of convenience, so be it.
I had similar thoughts (not on tweaking traditions, but on the nombu itself), and will likely post something after I celebrate it tomorrow.
Interesting post. I am not familiar with this tradition…… It was interesting reading about it.
Spillay xx
http://spillay.wordpress.com
@Apar: Am all for adopting traditions if we don’t have it per se. For instance, I always want to get a tree for christmas simply cos its pretty and it feels nice to be part of a merry season
@Suman: Look forward to reading your post
@spillay: Glad you enjoyed it. Its fun dissecting traditions.
interesting post. I learned something new from this. Thank you for sharing.
hmm I don’t understand ‘tradition’. Always questioned tradition and will continue to do the same. In the culture I was raised in (sikh), there is no symbol or no ritual that a married woman does for her husband. However, my husband is from Andhra, and after marriage, I was expected to wear thaali, wear a bindi, et al … which I found too stifling. I did it, no questions, when I was in India because it made family happy but would I do it on my own accord? Nah.
I choose to live as I want and not how milleniums of centuries prescribed. I don’t feel that I need a Karva Chauth to appreciate my husband at all. Every day is a Karva Chauth for me. I live to see him happy and he reciprocates the same. Both of us are well aware of our love for each other that we consistently express or show through our actions every day. I feel no need for a day to be set aside for us to experience and appreciate our love than we normally do. We don’t even ‘celebrate’ Valentinez which is a huge hit out here. What’s the point? Every day is Valentinez!
Ooops, your question. Obviously, I’m the last person to be answering that question.
I have nothing against or disrespect for anyone who follows tradition. More power! but certainly not me. Lucky there weren’t any traditional bindings in the household I grew up in, cuz if there were, parents had a menace at hand in my shape hehe. Although I WAS always convinced to be a ‘good indian girl’ … but that’s another story. 
Much love
Roop
@dg1978: Thanks for stopping by. Happy to note you took away something from the post.
@Roop: I understand where you are coming from and I empathize to an extent. I believe traditions do perpetuate stereotypes. Specially against women. Having said that I would also like to say, it is important to realize these were the norm in the days that they started. There is something beautiful about traditions in my opinion because they add some meaning to our lives. I respect and love my spouse each day. But also enjoy the fact that I have one day to show it to him. In the same vein, following your line of thinking, there is no real necessity for the institution of marriage is there? If two people love each other and they both understand that, what is the need for a tradition like marriage to show that two people are committed to each other? But I am sure you underwent a marriage ceremony traditional or otherwise.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, traditions have meaning. Rituals associated with them however might have lost its value because they do not change with times. Which is the point of my original post. Is it OK to tweak traditions to be in line with current times. I believe it is OK and was seeing what others had to say.
I get what you are saying though
Yeah, you are right. Neither of us believes in marriage ceremony either. :p Had we an option, we wouldn’t have bothered with it. We had to do it because of parents and will certainly not ask of our kids to go through it if they don’t want to.
So, yep, it is ok to tweak.