A few minutes back, K forwarded an email containing baby pictures from a common friend. I looked at the pictures, duly wrote a response and realized I was annoyed. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was annoyed because the friend in question really was my ex-colleague. I was miffed that I was not copied on that email.
I have probably ranted enough about this earlier but had to get it off my chest.Why is it at least in the circles I move that men tend to talk only to men and women to women? I understand there is an underlying comfort feel in relating that way but it does bother me when the person in question is or was someone I knew first.
“If you want something, you have to fight for it!” my FIL stated emphatically. No. It was not in the context of something inspirational yet it turned out to be one for me. He was speaking of the red-tapism and the attendant struggles in getting anything done in Bangalore. Am sure it is true of most of our home towns. In this case he was particularly frustrated by the constant rise in his cell bill and charges tacked on for things he did not use. I had to fight to get it taken off the bill he said. He concluded grandly saying “K and L, if you want something, you have to fight for it.”
With something as profound as this on my mind, I went to sleep and woke up with a sense of realization. My father in law is in many ways similar to my father in his ability to get me thinking and inspiring respect for what he does. Both of them were polar opposites. That’s what I thought. My father hated confrontation. He would go out of his way to settle things by negotiation. Never a raised voice if he could help it. Compromise and negotiation were his hall marks. On the other hand, my FIL is a vocal person. He lets the person on the other side of the argument really have it. He does this with so much conviction that sometimes the other person gives up even if they are right! If you want someone on your side for support and strength, my FIL is the person to go to. He was too, in his extended neighborhood and very proud of his role as guardian. Behind his ferocious nature however is a heart of gold. He cares, really cares for people and issues around him. He is the kind of person who would stop by if there is an accident in front of him and remove his shirt to staunch the flow of blood. The kind of person who would carry peanuts and biscuits on temple trips and such just in case we ran into birds or monkeys we could feed.
Well! the point I was trying to get at is that even though my father and FIL were polar opposites they shared this trait of going after something with tenacity. Their approaches were different but the end result same. As I lay thinking about my FIL’s comment, I was reminded of my father. Of his quiet pursuit of his dreams. Never discussed, yet his eyes shining with happiness at the odd success here and there. There is so much I take after my father and yet I lack something fundamental. I hate confrontation. Absolutely. I would rather pay the extra amount of the bill if I had to fight to have it taken off. I aim big and in most cases lack the tenacity to hang on and see something to completion.
My FIL with his innocent comment has really made me think. Of how much I want to succeed at what I set my mind to. The solution is right there staring at my face. If I want it. I have to fight for it.
In all an eventful weekend with family at home. Its been a long time since all of us got together. It was fun to see the kids interact with each other. What amazed me is how much of the person’s personality is clearly evidenced even as a child. Both my nieces were as different as night and day. Each unique and distinct. A very learning couple of days.
On a different note, it was everything a get-together should be. Plenty of food, last minute plan changes and tons of sitting around and catching up. We indulged in window shopping, haircuts at a salon and ice creams at this farm.
More when I am recovered enough from the weekend. Happy Monday y’all!
Oh, the more we get together,
Together, together,
Oh, the more we get together,
The happier we’ll be.
For your friends are my friends,
And my friends are your friends.
Oh, the more we get together,
The happier we’ll be!
As I sit working from home, I hear squeals of laughter coming from the basement where the Vs are blissfully keeping each other engaged. I reflect on the evening and morning past and I couldn’t help admiring how this nursery rhyme rings true.
As V and I sat flipping through the pages of my photo albums, we kept getting pulled back into nostalgic memories. I could show her pictures of my friends on Orkut and she could relate and say “Wow! she looks the same or she is so different now!”. I ask her about her friends and relate to the path their lives have taken. Or sometimes look at a picture and both go “Remember when that was taken?”. Or do a comparison of the people we were and are now and know exactly what the other is thinking.
Definitely makes a case for getting together more often and preserving those shared memories.
For the past couple of days, this is all I can think of. The V’s are coming! V and V are my cousin and her daughter and they are visiting us for a week. After a longest time I will be having company at home that involves (hopefully) a lot of arratai sessions and general catching up. Considering we grew up together she has a special place in my heart.
So, while I eagerly waited for today to come, the past two days has seen a lot of activity around the home. Cleaning, dusting and generally getting the guest room ready. Right till K and I left for work this morning we had something or the other to do. All this brought back loads of memories from the past. Waiting for cousins to come home for vacation. Waiting to hear the sound of auto at the door. The clicking of the door latch and the eager welcomes from both sides. Running off to show new clothes, accessories and more. Catching up on school, secrets and the non stop chat sessions.
Visits from family invariably meant “bakshanam” in our home. Either mom making it in honor of the people visiting or the guest bringing some specially for us. If they came from Coimbatore it was A1 chips and if from Trichy it was “dood peda”. Both of which I loved immensely. As I mulled baking a cake or making some sweet today morning, I decided against it and put it away for later. I couldn’t help realizing how little we change and how much we change.
Over the past few years in my interactions with my friends who reside on the west coast of the US, I have wondered at some things. Not sure if it is just the US or it is equally true of urban vs suburban living worldwide. It may sound stereotypical or way too general but here are my thoughts for what they are worth.
Awareness about ecological footprint, going green, buying organic, buying local etc tends to run rampant among west-coasters. On the other hand, I see little evidence of it in my local circle here. Even if my friends here have strong views about these things, I hardly hear about it. Same thing with Walmart bashing. I label it Walmart bashing as I personally like Walmart. I have heard about their hiring practices, their working hours, their benefits etc. Yet, I believe they are picked apart more often because they are huge and they are successful. Again, these are just my views.
I noticed it again with hybrid cars. Long before I even heard there exists a thing like a hybrid car, family I know in the west coast had been using it for a year. Cloth diapers, returning to a more simplistic way of life. All of it seems to happen along the west coast before the east catches on.
So, what do you think? Is is a west coast thing or something different?
As I sit weary from my marathon laundry session today, I reflect on where my weekend went. It seemed like it was Friday evening and before I know it, my thoughts are already on what to make for lunch the next day. I check my work calendar to see if I have any early morning meetings I need to prepare for the next day. I sit and long for another day off. I am also reminded of a time in my life when all I wanted to do was to go to work.
Newly married, sitting at home for want of a valid work permit and a market reeling from 9/11, all I wanted to do was go to work. Each day would pass in a blur of longing and hope. In marathon chat sessions and scouring of job boards. Weekends were relief from job hunting.
So, every time I feel my mind longing for a long weekend or an extra day off work, I remind myself of the time when all I wanted was the life I lead now. The mind sure is a fickle thing.
Unlike last year when I brought the Indian flag to work and generally wore the tricolor in my clothes, this year I was too busy performing the Varalakshmi Vratham this morning that the flag was left behind at home. Not much has changed though. Like every year before, I reminiscence about the flag hoisting ceremony at school. Teachers wearing uniform sarees for the one time in the year. Chocolates being distributed. And the general sense of pride. I remember saving the paper flags we pinned to our shirt/salwar on that day. As I left school and went on to other things, I remember feeling an intense sense of pride in belonging to India. I remember being glad I was not born in other places. It is weird but I remember thinking those thoughts.
Being far away from home to actually feel the energy in the air, I try and recreate it as much at home here. I usually make kesari or some sweet like I would for any loved one celebrating their birthday. I listen to Vande Mataram and sometimes the National Anthem online. It makes me stop and take in the moment and reflect about the country I was born in and belong to. It makes me wonder at the diversity that I was part of. Being away from India, I appreciate it even more.
So, as I stop what I am doing and take a minute to pay my tributes to the rich nation that is India, I wish all of you that stop by here a “Happy Independence Day!!!”.
Apar of Random Ruminations had done this a while back. I was intrigued and wanted to see what I would come up with. Some surprised me as well. Anyways, here it is.
I am: beautiful in my eyes I think: way too much I know: I am loved I have: an awesome set of friends I wish: I pursue my dreams with the same fervor as I start out with I hate: being stood up I miss: my dad I fear: being childless I hear: silence in between words I smell: coffee I crave: intelligent company I search: for the right words to say. I wonder: what if I had lived in India I regret: not knowing my mom in law I love: attention I ache: when I see people I care about in pain I am not: as brave as I would like to be I believe: in having faith I dance: when no one is looking I sing: never I cry: more often than I would like to I fight: rarely I win: if I really put my mind to it. I lose: when I am not convinced about what I am fighting for I never: have issues saying sorry I always: smile at strangers I confuse: K with inconsistent messages I listen: when I care I can usually be found: at home I am scared: of being lonely I need: to be connected. (I mean email/phone) I am happy about: the way I have shaped up as a person I imagine: my life will have a happy ending I tag: no one in particular
If any of you decide to do this, can you please let me know? I love reading such stuff.
In the middle of a conversation with my friend, this came up. “You were not like this before…” she stated. It was a simple declaration. She aught to know. After all, she is my best friend. I must have filed it at the back of my mind to process later because I did not know then that it affected me. I probably replied “May be..” to her and went on to change the conversation like I do when I am not sure of what I am feeling or what I want to say. To buy time. To think before responding to a simple statement like that.
Today morning as the water slid over me in the shower, it came back. Soaping myself furiously I thought “Did I change or did my views change?”. What’s the difference K asked when I put it before him. Aren’t you and your views the same? I thought a bit and explained. I stand for a core set of views that define who I am. These are things I’d like to keep unchanged. Like being fair for instance or being honest or being prudent. Then there are views that I hold. These define me too but it is OK for my views to change based on circumstance. Like being employed for instance. I routinely change my views on whether new moms should work or not. (Disclaimer: I am not arguing one way or another. I just tend to sway between two ends most of the time.)
The conversation in my mind and with K continued all through the drive to work. I am not sure why I was so scared of a changing me. Today as I took stock of why I reacted so much, I realized it was because of the battles in my head. When my best friend voiced my innermost fears, I did not know how to react.
However, as the sun shone overhead, I realized my fears were baseless. I was still the same. I did things because I felt convinced they were for the best. Most of all I realized, I still got what I wanted. If I wanted something badly, I got it. One way or another.
